New Survey Reveals Alaska's Top Five Bible Verses

White House tells Alaskans they're no longer allowed to say "The Lower 48"

Read the full executive order here . Map prints available from Williwaw Publishing . A new executive order from the White House aims to curtail use of the term “Lower 48,” and Alaskans who continue to use the term that the White House calls “insulting,” are threatened with confiscation of personal firearms among other punishments. According to the executive order, Alaskans will now be required to refer to the contiguous forty-eight states as “The Glorious Continuity.” “While Hawaii has graciously adopted the term “mainland”, reads the executive order, “citizens of its sibling to the North use the pejorative ‘lower 48.’ Today I make clear that we the contiguous people will no longer live under such abuses .” Alaskans of varied backgrounds condemned the mandate. Jeff Bowen, strategist for the Alaska Democratic Party, expressed his frustration. “I support the president’s efforts to slow offshore drilling, and implement a fair tax structure. But taking away my right to verba...

The Spruce Tip Buys Rival Alaska News Publication in $1.8 Billion Merger Deal

On Friday, The Spruce Tip Investment Group received shareholder approval to acquire the satirical news publication The Goldstream Courant in a cash-and-stock deal worth roughly $1.8 billion. The move will create an Alaskan news empire with assets of roughly two websites, one and a half social media accounts, and three broken 1986 Ski-Doo Tundra snowmachines. While the Courant is based near Fairbanks and focuses primarily on local issues, The Spruce Tip is omnipresent, omnipotent, and focuses on Alaskan statewide issues. Courant editor-in-chief Kevin Brietenbach resigned to the merger, which seemed to have caught him by surprise. “We’re looking forward to being part of The Spruce Tip family of publications,” he said in an interview while swigging a Yoo-Hoo from a refrigerator at the back of the Goldstream General Store after a five hundred mile fat bike race. “We’ve worked hard to create a voice of our own, but in the end we just couldn’t compete with The Spruce T...

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