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White House tells Alaskans they're no longer allowed to say "The Lower 48"

 




Read the full executive order here. Map prints available from Williwaw Publishing.

A new executive order from the White House aims to curtail use of the term “Lower 48,” and Alaskans
who continue to use the term that the White House calls “insulting,” are threatened with confiscation
of personal firearms among other punishments.

According to the executive order, Alaskans will now be required to refer to the contiguous forty-eight
states as “The Glorious Continuity.”


“While Hawaii has graciously adopted the term “mainland”, reads the executive order, “citizens of its
sibling to the North use the pejorative ‘lower 48.’  Today I make clear that we the contiguous people
will no longer live under such abuses.”


Alaskans of varied backgrounds condemned the mandate. Jeff Bowen, strategist for the Alaska
Democratic Party, expressed his frustration. “I support the president’s efforts to slow offshore drilling,
and implement a fair tax structure. But taking away my right to verbally degrade out-of-staters? He can
suck my oosik.”


Sarah Jenkins, chairwoman of the Alaska Republican Party added,  “I agree with Mr. Bowen. I can’t
argue against walrus natural resource extraction.”


University of Alaska Anchorage geography professor Dr. Christine Mundo had harsh words for the
Biden administration. “We’ll stop calling you “Lower” once your maps stop putting Alaska floating in
the ocean next to Texas!”


Among the consequences threatened for Alaskans: mandatory lowering of lifted pick-up trucks,
invalidation of Alaska Airlines frequent flier miles, and forcible costuming as a cruise ship tourist for
one full summer.


Anchorage resident Steven Stewart drives a 2021 Dodge Ram 1500 truck with an installed 36 inch lift
kit and requires a ladder to reach the cab. Interviewed in the parking lot of the South Anchorage Home
Depot, he said that the White House can “suck my oosik while you’re down there.”


A rally is planned for this evening in downtown Anchorage to protest the executive order, sponsored by
the Alaskan Independence Party. Attendees are encouraged to bring oosik themed protest gear. Read
the full executive order here.


 


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